The bad years – homeless and junked (2006-2007) by Rebecca

I never thought I would become this empty. I mean I have always been empty because that’s why I am an addict right ? A bottomless pit like a void needing to be filled. Drugs that come in many forms. Prescription pills to bring down the pain, anything to ease the pain. Alcohol that temporarily numbs the paranoia and lowers the inhibitions. Stimulants that briefly stop a fast chaotic brain into a form of mental silence. Before too long and before it causes a psychosis. Before I knew it was homeless, 19, injecting drugs, deeply depressed but also my binge behaviour seemed to be something of a borderline or a bipolar. I was missing something. Was it love ? Was it medication ? Whatever it was I had no idea and drugs were the answer. Continue reading

Davids dream

David was taken away from his foster parents at age 7, misdiagnosed as schizophrenic, and placed in an institution. He had never been out of Iowa. His dream was to see the Pacific and walk the Castro before he died. Making the trip became urgent when David had stroke.
Barry Morrow, the Oscar winning screenwriter for the movie Rainman inspired us to record our journey. We met him in California and he introduced David to the Pacific

The Trap: What Happened to Our Dream of Freedom



The Trap: What Happened to Our Dream of Freedom is a BBC documentary series by English filmmaker Adam Curtis, well known for other documentaries including The Century of the Self and The Power of Nightmares. The series consists of three one-hour programmes which explore the concept and definition of freedom, specifically, “how a simplistic model of human beings as self-seeking, almost robotic, creatures led to today’s idea of freedom.” The programme traces the development of game theory with particular reference to the work of John Nash (the mathematician portrayed in A Beautiful Mind), who believed that all humans were inherently suspicious and selfish creatures that strategised constantly. Using this as his first premise, Nash constructed logically consistent and mathematically verifiable models, for which he won the Bank of Sweden Prize in Economic Sciences, commonly referred to as the Nobel Prize in Economics. He invented system games reflecting his beliefs about human behaviour, including one he called “Fuck Your Buddy” (later published as “So Long Sucker”), in which the only way to win was to betray your playing partner, and it is from this game that the episode’s title is taken.

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Mania is one hell of an upper

high lows

Put your hands up if you’ve snorted speed or Coke? Smoked Meth?

I’ve done all three.

Mania is like an upper, you cant sleep, you have a one track mind, you crave sex, thoughts and words fall freely without hesitation and smoking a cigarette tastes like the best fucking thing in the world.
My attention span lasts for either 8 hours on one project or 2 seconds on countless ones.
I Avoid everything important like a new world plague; calling my bills for a payment extension, returning my friends calls or messages, drinking water, my marketing degree.
Don’t they know who I am? I’m fucking too important to deal with that shit.


Nora-The year I became crazy

nora hijab
January, february I guess I was fine. I was in Turkey because I was in love with a guy. He didn`t want me, I found another. We had amazing times and after I got home I soon went back. To get my bags. But then I saw the first one and I couldn`t stop myself from going back. Even if he only wanted my money. It felt shit, but I couldn`t stop myself. It felt to good just to see him. But my mania slowly started, I was walking the streets screaming in rhymes. Back in Norway I got alot of attention from the boy I liked. Even though it was mostly about money. I got used to the idea. Okay he only wants money. Money I have! Lets have good times :D Continue reading